Shelter
by ficdirectory
Summary: JJ develops a fear that gets in the way of her job and Prentiss helps her deal with it.  ORIGINALLY WRITTEN: 10/2/10


_"Fear has a large shadow, but he himself is small."_  
- Ruth Gendler

Reid was safe now. He had been for sometime. But JJ still dreamed of the dogs.

In the dreams, there was blood everywhere in the barn. It was cold enough to see her breath. Dark enough to swallow her. And the dogs came out of nowhere. They growled and she was outnumbered. One sank its teeth into her arm and she fired her gun. And then she was alone, waiting for the team to find her.

That was the moment she always woke up.

JJ never called anyone, because she hated making a scene. She had already pulled her gun on Prentiss in the bathroom after it happened, and very nearly shot Morgan in the barn, thinking the was the unsub.

This wasn't going to take over her life. She wouldn't let it.

-

That's what she thought, until she worked another case at night, this time, trying to find a missing child. The police dog had caught her unaware and she had almost taken the shot. The German Shepherd looked too much like the dogs in the barn.

"JJ, don't shoot!" Emily had exclaimed, moving in front of her, and that's when JJ felt sure that she would pass out from the panic.

On the way back to the BAU, Prentiss rode with her. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah. Fine," JJ nodded not quite meeting Emily's eyes.

"JJ, you need to deal with this. You can't panic in the presence of every dog. That was a cop's partner."

"Okay, can we just stop talking about this? Yes, I overreacted. It was one time."

"JJ, it's been more than one time. You can't deal with this if you don't face it."

"I don't know how to face it," JJ admitted quietly. "I thought I was over it, and that's obviously not true, so..."

Emily was silent a moment. "Would you trust me to help you?"

"I guess... I just...don't want everybody knowing."

"There's no shame in fear."

"And when is the last time _you_ ever showed fear?" JJ demanded, angry. She steadied herself, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry. This is just making me crazy, and I push people away, and... I'm sorry."

"I'm still here," Emily said quietly, looking JJ in the eye.

-

JJ got busy.

It was what she was best at, especially when she didn't want to face something. But Emily wasn't giving up that easily.

At work, she had developed her own code to let JJ know she was still willing to help, and not let everyone else in on what she was struggling with.

"JJ. Later?"

JJ rolled her eyes. She must have heard that at least three times a day for the last two weeks. In her office, on location, God, even in the ladies' room.

"What does she mean, later?" Reid asked, curious.

"I don't know," JJ denied, but deep down, she knew she owed it to Emily, and to herself, to pursue an offer to help.

So, when Emily caught her at the end of the week, and asked again, JJ nodded.

Once she was home, JJ called her. She was curled up with a cup of tea and a blanket. She had a stack of cases to go through, but right now, this took priority. Prentiss was right. She couldn't afford to have a phobia like this running her life.

"Hey, Em. It's later. What?" JJ asked, not able to conceal her irritability. It was a mask for how uncomfortable she actually felt, and JJ knew Emily recognized that.

"What are you doing right now?"

"Drinking tea. Why?" JJ asked, suspicious.

"Well, I wanted to know if you're up to doing something with me. I volunteer at the humane society, hanging out with the dogs, and if you're comfortable with it, I could get you the form and you could come with me."

"The humane society?" JJ asked. "I didn't know you did that."

Emily laughed. "No one does. It's my one weakness."

"Mine, too," JJ said humorlessly.

On the other end of the call, there was silence.

"All right. I'll do it."

-

Surrounded.

That was all JJ could think when she stepped inside the fence. Emily had gone inside herself, letting JJ stay outside after signing in. But being out here was just as bad as being inside, with cages all around and dogs big enough to eat her alive inside them. Because out here, there was nothing to keep them back. Nothing to stop them, if they decided to attack.

"JJ, this is Jack," Emily introduced, handing JJ a leash. The dog was small - a cocker spaniel that looked old - but it didn't stop JJ's breath from getting shallow. From backing away with her hands up and reaching for her pocket where she found her cell phone, not a gun, as she hoped.

"Hey, you're fine. All right? Look at me. This dog? He got attacked by his owner. He's probably more scared of you than you are of him."

JJ blinked, trying to focus, as Emily took her hand and guided her down until she was as close as she dared to get to the dog. "I don't think I can do this..."

Emily wound the leash with the sweet golden retriever around her hand.

"Just breathe. Sit with the feelings. They'll pass," she encouraged.

JJ wanted to tell Emily that she couldn't breathe. That was the problem. But no sound came out. She was dangerously close to tears and dangerously nauseous.

"Look at him. He's not scary, are you?" Emily cooed in a voice JJ had never heard her use. She scratched Jack on the belly and he rolled over, seemingly content.

"I guess not..." JJ managed. "What happened to him?" She leaned away from both dogs, still not comfortable around them.

"Come on. Let's walk," Emily encouraged. And once JJ's head was up and her mind was on this new task, Emily answered her. "His previous owners abused and neglected him. He was found in a trash can, nearly starved to death."

JJ pursed her lips. "That sucks."

"Yeah, it does. When I first started coming here, he would cower whenever anyone came near him. He was afraid all the time."

"He still looks afraid," JJ observed.

"Yeah, but he's getting better."

"Not all people are gonna hurt him, though..." JJ objected.

There was a pause.

"Neither are all dogs," Emily said matter-of-factly. "You know, I've got your back, don't you? Just stay close."

"Okay, JJ said quietly. She stayed beside Emily, trusting that Emily would keep her safe.

It was something she had forgotten.

But she remembered now. 


End file.
